apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's rum buckets o'clock
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