I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
