i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
