Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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