Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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