Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
