I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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