So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
