sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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