omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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