I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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