she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
