ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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