I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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