He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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