You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
These tits shall not be calmed
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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