Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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