I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
