i barfeds in our rink
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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