i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
