I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
