i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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