I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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