Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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