no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
