I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
