Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He passed out mid-signature
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize