So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
