I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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