Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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