my phone needs a breathalizer
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
