Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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