Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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