my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he fucked my hip out of place.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize