His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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