escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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