I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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