woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
