Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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