How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Say something about gay babies.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
