She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
