Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
