giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
