Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize