ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
