I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
