are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
