When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
