Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
