I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
