What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize