Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
