he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
