We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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