seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
