May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
