addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
