remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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