just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
