Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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