It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
