Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
