I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
