i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
