My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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