Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sorry about my life...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
