He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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