Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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