Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
