For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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