I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
